A NEW NORM

Things aren’t working as I had hoped and planned for.
But as we all know by now… everything happens for a reason.

My presence at the studio will be decreasing, as I am being called to step back into Mama-Mode.
What I am able to do during school hours is all I get to do what I need to at the studio.
Its very very uncomfortable to be away, but with no support of family to assist with child care or financial support. We will do what we gotta do.

As much discomfort as I feel with this new assignment, I believe this is a second chance at being a better Mom than i have been these past few years. A chance before my Son goes to college and my daughter is too cool for me (through experience I know this is a definitely a thing around 8-9 years old).

…why do i feel this way you might be wondering?

In 2018, we moved back to Sacramento so i could pursue my career in Law Enforcement. It was bittersweet, my daughter was just a few days shy of turning one year old when I signed my offer letter.
I didn’t want to just let my cosmetology license go to waste, so I rented a chair part time on the weekends to do hair and build a clientele in Sacramento.
I was working a full time job + a part time one. Exhausted and burned out was an understatement.

As I worked at the Police Department, I was building up ARAI STUDIO with each pay check.
I had my foot in both careers for 3 years, before I chose peace and respect over the comfort of financial stability. I went all in on ARAI STUDIO. Since 2018, I have been a horrible mother. Unrecognizable.
The version of me my Son got was not the same Mom my daughter got.
My Son got the super involved, excited, fun and affectionate Mom.
My daughter wasn’t getting much of me, just an empty shell.

I have been so absent. Its disgusting. When i felt like i was failing i would fight even harder to regain my footing. I have missed out on so many loving memories with my kids.

I have been so distracted trying to create success for them.
I just wanted to give them a leg up in life, you know?

I wanted to create access to assets, resources, comfort, and stability to enjoy when i am no longer with them.

I am still not giving up on that dream, but i will be changing up my approach.

For now, I will embrace this opportunity to pick up my daughter from school and enjoy after school homework dates with them, participate in school activities that call for a parent’s attendance, and maybe even enjoy cooking meals for them again.

Cheers! May we expand in love and cherish these opportunities to create beautiful memories with my babes!